(619): She's still here. My penis can feel it.
(858): Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
(619): FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector.
(773): Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
(207): Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
(415): I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
(406): You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
(850): I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
(918): you never keep up with shots anymore
(405): I'm trying to be more responsible these days
(918): you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot.
(831): Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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